


I Forgive You

by StolenChilde



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda: 15x09, Coda: The Trap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:14:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22310884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StolenChilde/pseuds/StolenChilde
Summary: What runs through Dean's head when he thinks he won't get Cas back.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	I Forgive You

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, this had to be done. It seems all I ever write lately is Codas once a season. Anyway. I'm sure you're all sick of 15x09 codas but here's mine.

The tension was under the surface. Dean could feel it there for days. He knows what he did was wrong. He knows he flew off the handle, like usual. He knows he said a bunch of stupid shit he didn’t mean to the one person who always will listen to his stupid shit. That time though, that time Cas walked away. He didn’t fight, he didn’t argue. He didn’t even look back and Dean just sat there, like an idiot. 

Now they’re here in Purgatory and they’re going to have A Talk. They’re bound to. It’s what they do. Dean’s trying very hard not to look at Castiel while Castiel trudges on pointedly not looking at Dean. Then the dam breaks and there it is, right on the table like so many cards. Dean didn’t go after Cas. That’s the crux of the issue. It was Dean’s turn and he dropped the ball. Hurt, angry and grieving and Dean let the one person who would understand the most how he was feeling walk out that door.

The next several hours pass in a whirlwind of activity. Learning about Benny - that stung. Dean had been so sure they’d run into him here. Though Benny had changed. After what happened to his granddaughter, Benny wasn’t the same. Castiel’s sorry was genuine. They didn’t like each other but Cas cared because Dean cared. 

The trap set up by the Leviathan, now they should have seen that coming. They were both idiots not to see that coming and now Dean’s here, walking up alone in Monster Hell. Cas is nowhere in sight. He’s gone. Dean’s heart plummets, ice in his gut. The pain of it burns, and raises and just like that - whatever hope he had found, whatever faith he has scratched out from all the fucked up shit around them, is gone. 

Dean whispers Castiel’s name, looking around as he drags himself to his feet. Even to his own ears, his voice sounds hollow. Something has been severed. A missing piece. You’d think the heart would break a little less each time but each and every time the shards turn to splinters, turn to fragments, turn to dust. Each time he breathes, it aches.

He stumbles back to the rift, searching, desperate. Needing to just pass the next corpse, the next rock the next tree and there would be Cas. He’s supposed to be there. Always. That’s what he had said right? So many times in the past. He’d be there until the end. Till that last curtain call. He’d be there.

The prayer comes out before he can stop it. Before he thinks about what he’s doing. He knows if he thinks, he’ll stop and this is the one time he can’t afford to stop. What would come through the other side, without Cas? There wouldn’t be a point. There is no way he’d ever survive losing him again.

Dean says everything he ever wanted to but has been too stupid and too scared to say. Almost everything. There’s one thing he holds in reserve. One thing that needs to be spoken face to face. The tears are hot and cold, his own weight drops him to the ground. He drags himself back up. Stumbles on. He hears his name and the relief almost takes him to the ground again. Instead he falls forwards, into the angel, allowing him to take the weight. Feeling him in his arms.

Now. Now’s the time to say it. Castiel stops him with a sad smile. Shows him the flower. 

Time to go home.

**_The End_ ******


End file.
